Posts Tagged ‘screenplay’

bruce-willis-20050704-51840

Alright, here it goes….

Last post, I said I was going through old notebooks and as an exercise, I was going to publish my finding, no matter how frightening or humiliating. Until I started copying the post below, I don’t think I understood how hard this would be.

It would be only right to start at the beginning. I was given my first notebook at 17, that was fifteen years ago. The following in the first thing I wrote in that notebook. It is a screenplay. Which is odd for a number of reasons. One, I had never wrote a screenplay before. More importantly, I had never read one before, so the format is mostly guess work.

At the time, I thought myself to be an aspiring filmmaker. I soon learned that just because you like movies, doesn’t mean you should make them….I didn’t even finish my film school application. I opted for an English/Creative writing major instead. As I befriended film majors, and helped on their films, I realized I made a wise choice.

This particular screenplay was inspired by a running joke between my high school girlfriend and I. Some how I believed that joke could carry through an entire story….I was 17.

It is very hard to refrain from editing. Very hard. However, editing would defeat the purpose (whatever the purpose may be).

A lot of things bother me. I discount the bad writing and dialogue, I wasn’t surprised by that.

I didn’t like the way I wrote the female character, but maybe it is how a teenager would write a female (not that, that makes it right). I guess I wasn’t the most enlightened teenager. Or maybe it was because I knew the person it was based on, and she wasn’t like that. She was funnier, stronger and probably wouldn’t have tolerated the main character half as long.

Of all the insults throughout, the one or two utterances of the word ‘retard’ stood out. I wanted to remove them, but I wanted to keep it authentic. I wouldn’t use it today, and I doubt I could have justified it’s use 15 years ago, but I used it nonetheless.

I do find it funny how dated certain scenarios are. Remember when you find our characters on the side of the road this is pre-cell phone, at least cell phones in common use.

More importantly, I predicted Die Hard 4.

With that in mind, enjoy and forgive me.

Scene 1:


Scene opens with camera focused on TV. Movie Hudson Hawk is playing on TV. Camera stays on TV for several seconds. Camera pans around to find Jason siting in lazy-boy opposite TV. Jason is wearing white tank-top and boxer shorts. He is completely lost in movie, the look in his eyes shows that he is completely involved. There is a voice-over of Lauren speaking, camera stays on Jason.

Lauren (voiceover):

It has become an obsession. It seems to be all he cares about. I know it is all he can talk about. Everything is Bruce this, and Bruce that…

Scene 2:


Camera cuts to Lauren sitting in a room in a different house. Two of her friends are with her. She continues talking where the voice over left off.

Lauren:

…I just can’t believe Jason is being like this…Argghh…He is supposed to be in a relationship with me, not with Bruce Willis!

Friend #1 :

Ok Lauren, don’t take this the wrong way, but I think Jason is fuckin’ nuts!

Friend #2 laughs.

Lauren: Hey watch it, he is still my boyfriend. He’s not nuts, he’s just a little confused, that’s all.

Friend #1:

Lauren honey, you’re kidding yourself, that kid has lost his fuckin’ mind!!

Lauren starts to get upset. Friend #2 moves over to comfort her.

Friend #2:

Hey, Lauren…Look don’t listen to her. Look, what you really need to do is go talk to Jason. Tell him how you feel. I’m sure he will understand.

Lauren wipes her eyes.

Lauren:

You’re right…thanks. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll just go over there now and talk to him, tell him how I feel, yeah, and then everything will be find. Yeah…yeah thanks a lot.

Lauren gets up to leave, camera follows her, then moves back to the two friends.

Friend #1:

You know…She is losing it too.

Friend #2:

Hey, leave her alone, she’s in love.

Friend #1: Yeah. In love with a fucking psycho.

Camera fades to black.


Scene 3

Camera is back on Jason’s TV. Now the movie playing is Die Hard. Camera pans up above the TV, there are stairs. Lauren comes down the stairs into the room Jason is in. She moves beside him. Jason does not look at her he stays involved in the movie.

Lauren:

Hi…sorry to…uh…just to stop by like this but…uh..i think we need to talk.

Jason ignores her, she knees beside the chair.

Lauren:

Well actually I need to talk. You need to listen…Could you please listen to me?

Lauren becomes frustrated that Jason stills ignore her. She gets up and moves in front of the TV, blocking his view. The causes Jason to make his first move, as he strains to see around her, but to no avail. He begins to get angry.

Jason (angrily) :

Could you please move away from the TV…Please!

Lauren stands firm.

Lauren:

No! Not until you listen to me!

Jason (yelling):

Get the fuck out of the way…Please!!!

Jason throws some crumpled up garbage he had at Lauren. Lauren, startled and a little upset moves and goes to sit on the couch on the other side of the room, she sobs quietly. Jason ignores this and is again emerged in the movie. The camera stays on Jason and fades to black. Camera fades back in and it is the final moments of Die Hard, the credits on the TV start. Camera pans around to Jason, who is calm now. He turns the TV off with the remote control. He turns to face Lauren, who is still sobbing.

Jason:

Ok, so…you had something you wanted to say?

Lauren (confused):

What?

Jason:

There was something you wanted to say, what was it?

Lauren (angry):

You have some nerve you know that?

Jason:

What the hell are you talking about?

Lauren:

You know something? You are fucking crazy!

Jason (raises voice):

Hey! Don’t you ever call me crazy, ok?!

Lauren becomes emotional.

Lauren:

What is going on with you?

Jason gets up and goes and sits with Lauren. He puts his arm around her, consoling her.

Jason:

Nothing. Looking, I’m sorry for yelling at you. I think we have been neglecting each other too much lately. I think I know what would make us both feel better. Why don’t we go to my bedroom and….well you know what i mean.

Lauren looks at Jason, first confused, then angry.

Lauren:

What? Are you joking?

Jason:

No, why? What’s wrong with that?

Lauren:

Well, nothing. But just now doesn’t seem like the right time. Like, why would we wan—…oh…oh!…Oh my god!

Jason:

What?!

Lauren:

You are sick!

Jason:

What?! What are you talking about?

Lauren:

Every time you watch a Bruce Willis movie, you want to have sex right after!

Jason:

No! That has nothing to do with it!

Lauren stands up, rather disgusted.

Lauren:

You’re lying…uhh…I gotta get out of here. I think I’m going to be sick.

Lauren starts to leave.

Jason:

No Lauren, wait! Where are you going? Don’t go.

Lauren:

I just can’t deal with you right now!

Lauren runs out, Jason stands up.

Jason:

Lauren…wait…

Jason sits back down on the couch, he grabs a book on the table and leans back.

Jason (laughs):

And she says I’m crazy.

Jason pulls the book to his face. The book is a Bruce Willis biography. The camera zooms in on Bruce’s face on the book cover. Fade to black.


Scene 4

Camera fades into a school yard. Lauren is sitting alone on a swing. She is obviously upset. Jason comes up from behind her and grabs the swing next to her. Jason is still in a tank top and boxers.

Jason:

I thought I would find you here….Mind if I swing with ya?

Jason gets no response, Lauren doesn’t even look at him. Jason sits on the swing.

Jason:

We uh…Were not cool, are we?

Lauren, crying, barely tilts her head to look at Jason.

Lauren (angry / crying):

No Jason, we’re not fucking cool!

Jason:

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Lauren:

Gee…What tipped you off, was it the yelling, or the crying?

Jason:

Alright, you made your point. So, talk to me. What’s wrong?

Lauren:

Oh, now you want to talk, eh? Now that Bruce isn’t around?!

Jason:

What is that supposed to mean?

Lauren:

Jason face it already, you are obsessed with Bruce Willis. You care about him more than you care about me.

Jason (frustrated):

You know that’s not true.

Lauren:

Oh isn’t it? Think about it. The only time we really talk is when your talking about Bruce. The only thing we ever do is watch hi movies, and the only time you want to have sex is after we watch those movies….At first I didn’t really pay attention to it, but the longer this relationship goes on, I’m realizing that your not in love with me…Your in love with Bruce Willis.

Jason is stunned and almost speechless.

Jason:

No. No….no that’s not —

Lauren:

Jason. Think about it for a sec. For once, listen to me. You have an undeniable, unhealthy attraction to Bruce Willis.

Jason becomes flustered.

Jason:

But…but, I’m not gay. You know that…Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Lauren:

Of course not. And I know you are not gay. But for you I think it’s more than that. You seem to have some profound feelings for him. You have to come to terms with it. I can’t explain it, you have to figure it out for yourself.

Jason becomes very upset. Lauren tries to comfort him.

Jason (emotional):

I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what I’m feeling…Arggh..I’m so confused…So what does this mean for us?

Lauren:

I don’t know honey. You know how I feel about you. You have to go figure out how you feel.

Jason nods in agreement. They stare at eachother. Camera zooms in on them, and then fades to black.


Scene 5

Camera fades into Jason walking down the street. Camera is in front of Jason and follows him as he walks. Jason is obviously still very emotional. After walking for a while he stops and sits on some steps outside a building. He buries his head in his hands and starts to cry. Jason sits there for a while, then wipes his eyes, stands up and walks away. Jason walks a short distance to his house and enters. He goes to his room, opens a dresser drawer and pulls out a bottle of whiskey. He sits down and pours himself a tall glass. He downs the glass and does this several more times.


Scene 6

Camera fades back in to find Jason sprawled out on his floor, the bottle now empty. He is motionless. There is a knock at the door. Lauren’s voice comes through the door.

Lauren:

Jason?….Jason, are you awake?

The door opens, Lauren comes in. She looks down with a shocked look on her face.

Lauren:

Oh my god! Jason!

She jumps down beside him, shaking him. Trying to get him up.

Lauren:

What did you do to yourself?

She manages to wake him up. He is very groggy.

Jason:

Uhhhh…what the fuck…what the fuck are you doing?

Lauren:

What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck are you doing? What the fuck is this?

She waves the empty bottle in front of him.

Lauren:

What are you trying to do, kill yourself? This isn’t going to help matters.

Jason:

Oh just leave me alone will you. You told me to go looking for answers, well I did. And I didn’t find shit. Now I’m more confused then when I started. At least before I didn’t know I had a problem. You’re the one—

Lauren:

—Hey! Don’t blame me for you being fucked up.

Jason stands up and slowly finds a chair.

Jason:

Well you’re the one that brought all these problems to my attention. I was perfectly happy just living out of my basement, watching Bruce Willis movies, and fucking you after.

Lauren looks as if she is about to cry.

Jason:

So apparently these things are a problem, and thanks for sharing that piece of fucking information with me. Now I’m depressed. Yeah I went out and got shitfaced, just because I needed to get away from all this crap for a while.

Lauren:

Please stop yelling at me.

Jason stands over top of Lauren.

Jason (yelling):

I wasn’t fucking yelling at you! I was fucking talking to you! Now I am fucking yelling at you! Can you see the fucking difference.

Lauren is not crying heavily.

Jason:

Fuck!

Jason sits back down, and now he also begins to cry.

Jason:

I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.

Lauren gets up, wipes her tears and puts her arm around him.

Lauren:

Jason you need some help, and I’m going to help you get it. It’s ok. I forgive you.

Jason:

I can’t go to a shrink.

Lauren:

You need help.

Jason:

No. No I know what I need.

Lauren:

What?

Jason:

I need to see him.

Lauren:

What are you talking about?

Jason:

I need to go meet this man.I need to talk to him. It’s the only way I will know.

Jason stands. Looks determined.

Jason:

I need to find Bruce Willis.

Fade to black.


Scene 7

Cut to Jason and Lauren in the driveway. Jason is throwing luggage in the car. Lauren is frantic.

Lauren:

What the fuck are you doing?

Jason:

Packing.

Lauren:

Packing for what?

Jason:

My trip.

Lauren:

Oh, your not not serious about this stupid quest to find Bruce Willis are you?

Jason:

Yes. Yes I am.

Lauren:

Now I know you are crazy.

Jason:

No, for the first time it all makes sense. I know what I have to do.

Lauren:

You’ve lost your mind. What do you think you’re going to do just walk up to Bruce Willis and say, “hi my name is Jason, by the way, I love you”. What the fuck are you thinking?

Jason ignores her and continues packing. Jason gets in the car and reverses down the driveway and into the street. He stops, rolls down the window.

Jason:

Well…Are you coming or not?

Lauren just stands there for a minute. She shrugs her shoulders and runs and jumps in the passengers side. They drive off down the road. Fade to black.


Scene 8

Cut to inside of car. Camera is in backseat, panning back and forth between them as they talk.

Lauren:

You know this is definitely the craziest thing you have ever done.

Jason:

Crazier than the time we were in Montreal and pretended we were hobos and begged for change while we sang the blues?

Lauren: Oh yeah, way crazier.

They laugh.

Lauren:

Oh shit!

Jason:

What?

Lauren:

I don’t have any clothes, or even a toothbrush.

Jason:

Well, neither do I.

Lauren:

What is in all those bags back there then?

Jason:

Bruce Willis movies.

Lauren:

What? We don’t even have a VCR.

Jason:

I know, I just like having them close to me.

Lauren:

Whatever. But without clean clothes, we will stink.

Jason:

Well, we’ll stink together.

Lauren: Agreed! You know, this trip might not be so bad after all.

They smile and hold hands. Fade to black.


Scene 9

Cut to the outside of a convenience store. The car pulls up. They both get out, Lauren slams her door and is yelling

Lauren:

You fucking psycho!

Jason:

Calm down.

Lauren:

I will not calm down! We are not even out of town yet, and you are already driving me crazy! For Christ sakes, we can still see your house!

Lauren motions to Jason’s house, which is not far in the distance.

Jason:

I’m sorry, ok. Let me go into the store and get some candy. Then we can get back in the car and start over.

Lauren:

Agreed!

Jason goes into the store, Lauren gets back in the car. A moment later he reappears with a bag, gets int he car and drives away. The camera follows the car in the distance. Fade to black.


Scene 10

Cut to car parked on side of the road. It is early morning. The door is flung open. Jason crawls out, stretching. Lauren follows.

Lauren:

I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this.

Jason:

 I know. Don’t worry, we are half way there.

Lauren:

Halfway where?….Where are we going?

Jason:

To LA.

Lauren:

LA? Oh Bruce Willis is there now?

Jason:

I assume. He is a movie star right?

Lauren:

You assume? You assume? We are driving across two fucking countries on your fucking assumption?!

Jason:

Uh, yeah. I guess.

Lauren, very angry, begins to attack Jason frantically. Eventually knocking him to the ground, she continues to beat him.

Lauren:

You guess?! You fucking guess?! You better do better than fucking guess!

Jason tries to restrain her.

Jason:

Calm down….I’m sorry.

Lauren collapses on Jason sobbing.

Lauren:

This is insane. What am I doing.

Jason:

Let’s go get some waffles.

Jason helps her up and into the car. He gets in and they drive away. Fade to black.


Scene 11

Camera fades into the car. Jason is driving. They are playing a game.

Jason:

Last Boy Scout.

Lauren:

Trainspotting.

Jason:

Hmm…Get Shorty.

Lauren:

Uh..Young Guns.

Jason:

Star Wars….A New Hope.

Lauren:

Encino Man.

Jason:

No. I don’t think so.

Lauren:

Why not?

Jason:

Because the category is movies that don’t suck.

Lauren:

Then why does Encino Man suck?

Jason:

Paulie Shore…And Brendan Fraser are in it.

Lauren:

Right…sorry.

Jason:

It’s ok. I’m sick of this game anyway.

Lauren:

So, how far do we have to go?

Jason:

Don’t ask me, your the navigator.

Lauren:

Says who?

Jason:

Says me, when I said “Lauren, you’re the navigator.”

Lauren:

Right….

Jason:

Grab the map out the glove box.

Lauren:

Ok.

Lauren opens the glove box, and retrieves the map. 

Lauren:

We are going to LA?

Jason:

Yeah.

Lauren:

And where are we now?

Jason:

Fuck if I know. Look for the little arrow that says ‘you are here’.

Lauren (sarcastic):

Funny.

Fade to black.


Scene 12

The car is parked on the side of the road. Lauren is inside. Jason is looking under the hood.

Lauren:

What’s wrong with it?

Jason:

How should I know?

Lauren:

Well your the big strong man, who can fix anything, aren’t you?

Jason:

Fuck off.

Jason touches something part under the hood.

Jason:

There, try it now.

Lauren tries the engine, nothing happens.

Lauren:

Still nothing.

Jason:

Hold on.

Jason touches something else.

Jason:

How about now?

She tries again.

Lauren:

Nope.

Jason gets mad, and slams the hood.

Jason:

Fuck!….What are we going to do now?

Lauren gets out of the car.

Lauren:

I dunno. I guess, get a tow truck.

Jason:

Yes, I will now use my Jedi mind powers to bring us a tow truck…we’re in the middle of nowhere Lauren!

Lauren:

Don’t yell at mem

Jason:

Well don’t say stupid things.

Jason sits on the hood and ponders the situation.

Jason:

Ok, look. It’s probably only a few miles to the next town. We’ll just walk there, and get help.

Lauren:

A few miles?

Jason:

Yeah, like three tops.

Fade to black.


Scene 13

Six hours later. They are walking, Lauren collapses. 

Lauren:

Jason, we have to stop, we have been walking forever.

Jason:

It’s only been like fifteen or twenty miles —

Lauren (yelling):

You said three! You said three fucking miles!

Jason:

Calm down, it can’t be much further now.

Lauren:

Oh, can’t it? Do you even know where we are?

Jason:

Somewhere in the southern states.

Lauren:

Gee…thanks for pin pointing it.

Jason:

Ok, we will sit and rest for a while.

Lauren:

Thank you.

Jason:

Stick out your thumb and look desperate, maybe we’ll get a ride.

Lauren:

Yeah right.

After a few minutes they sit on the road, with their thumbs out, looking pathetic.

Fade to black.


Scene 14

They are still sitting on the road, cars are driving by, no one is stopping.

Lauren:

Jason, that is like the 100th car that has past.

Jason:

I know, I know. Somebody will stop.

After a few minutes, a car stops. Jason goes up and talk to the driver.

Jason:

Can you tell me how far it is how far to the next town?

Driver:

Do you see that hill just over there?

Jason:

Yeah.

Driver:

It is just on the other side….Come on, get in, I’ll take you.

They both get in the car. Fade to black.


Scene 15

Jason and Lauren get out of the car. The car drives away and leaves them on the sidewalk.

Lauren:

Well I am glad to be out of there.

Jason:

Yeah I know right, I think I had all the Vietnam stories I could take.

Lauren:

Let’s find out where we are.

They approach a local passing by.

Jason:

Hi there, can you tell us how far it is to LA?

Local:

(laughs)

Jason:

What’s so funny?

Local:

You know LA is on the west coast right?

Jason:

Well, yeah.

Local:

And right now you are on the east coast.

Lauren & Jason:

What?!

Local:

Yeah, so I would say a few thousand miles.

The local laughs and walks away. Jason and Lauren are left stunned and angry.

Lauren:

How the fuck did you manage this one?

Jason:

Me?! You were the fucking navigator!

Lauren:

You were the driver!

Jason:

Yes well, obviously I drove, so that took care of my part. Your part was navigation. So how the fuck did you manage this?

Lauren:

I must have been looking at the map wrong…

Jason:

I fucking guess so!

Lauren:

What are we even doing, this is retarded.

Jason:

Retarded? Your the one who made me face this, and realize that I had to do this.

Lauren:

Well, maybe I was wrong

Jason:

You weren’t wrong. Don’t you see? My life has been leading to this.

Lauren:

How pathetic is that. Your life is leading to meeting a two-bit actor?

Jason:

Shut the fuck up right now! I don’t care how upset you are. If you ever refer to Bruce again as a two-bit actor, I will put your fucking teeth down your throat.

Lauren:

Well, that would at least show that you care.

Jason:

What is the supposed to mean?

Lauren:

It means that you care more about a foolish pipe dream than you do about me!

Jason:

It’s not a —

Lauren:

–Stop. Now, this whole trip has been a choice. You choosing between me and Bruce. You can either have someone that you will probably never meet, and doesn’t give a shit about you. All he is, is just a face on a screen. Or..Or you can have me. Someone who is real. Someone who is with you and loves your more than anything, more than I probably should.

Jason:

I can’t…I can’t —

Lauren:

–No. I’m tired of waiting. You decide now.

Jason:

……

Lauren:

Fine if you’re not sure, I can’t do this anymore.

Jason:

But —

Lauren:

No..I’m going to get a room for the night.  And tomorrow I am getting a plane ticket home. You can stay here and chase your dreams if you want, but I don’t want anything to do with you anymore. I can’t be with someone who loves their fantasy with someone more than their reality with me.

Lauren leans toward him and kisses him on the cheek.

Lauren:

Goodbye Jason.

She turns and walks away into the distance.

Jason:

Goodbye Lauren.

Fade to black.


Scene 16

Fade in. Jason wandering the streets. He is obviously upset. A man runs by, hits Jason and causes him to stumble.

Jason:

Whoa. Watch it!

Man:

Sorry man.

Jason:

What’s the hurry anyway?

Man:

Oh, big autograph signing at the theater downtown.

Jason:

Oh yeah, who’s there?

Man:

Who’s there? Haven’t you heard? It’s Bruce Willis dude! He is promoting Die Hard 4!

Jason:

You are fucking kidding me….?

Man:

No bro, it’s the truth, I swear it.

Jason faints. Fade to black


Scene 17

The man is over top of Jason slapping him in the face.

Man:

Hey, wake up?

Jason:

What?…What is going on?

Man:

You ok? Come on, I’m going to miss him.

Jason:

Miss who?

Man:

The Bruce, of course.

Jason:

That’s real! I wasn’t dreaming!?

Man:

No, No..it’s real.

Jason:

Take me to him.

They get up and start to run. They go through a parking lot, and come upon a large line.

Man:

Wow, that is weird luck. You coming to look for him all the way from Canada. Wow, I thought I was obsessed.

Jason:

Big line. Let’s try and make our way to the front.

They cut in line and eventually make their way near the front.

Man:

We’re really close…can you see him…Jason…can you?

Jason:

Oh my god….there he is….This is finally it.

Man:

What are you talking about?

Jason:

What am I going to say…What am I going to do…

Jason remembers. A voice over of Lauren plays.

Lauren (voice over):

…This whole trip has been about choice…you can have someone real, who is with you and loves you….You have to decide.

Jason:

I’m sorry Bruce.

 Jason steps out of line and walks away. 

Man:

Jay, where ya going? Your going to miss him….What’s more important than Bruce?

Fade to black.


Scene 18

Fade into a hotel room door. A hand appears and knocks. The door opens to find Lauren, who begins to smile.

Lauren:

I didn’t know it was raining.

Camera pans around to find Jason, soaking wet and smiling.

Fade to black.

The End.

Written by: Jason Mailhot

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